march third, take two

Today was going to be another style post, and I had most of it written and put together. But now that seems inconsequential.

Today, I got laid off.

The firm that I was working for hasn’t been making enough to keep everyone afloat, and as everyone knows, payroll is the most expensive aspect of a business. When I was hired last fall, they were hoping that their associate attorney would bring in a lot of business and that in turn, I would act as his assistant. But that didn’t happen and their numbers are low this year. And the associate has also been let go.

I had an inkling that this was going to happen, I’ve seen the stress in the partners’ faces when I informed them that there were no checks from that day’s mail when payroll was coming in the next day. I knew that as I was mainly acting as a legal secretary, I was the most expendable employee of the firm. So I suppose it’s not a huge surprise. I just didn’t expect it today.

Thankfully, they are letting me leave today and they’ll pay me through next week, and I appreciate the gesture. And it helps to know that this isn’t because of anything I did, they was very clear on that. But it still hurts.

After my boss told me, I sat in the dark conference room next door and called my husband and my mama. My sweet husband processed with me and prayed on the phone with me, my mama listened to my blubbering. And I cried. A lot. My head is throbbing from it. The fears of where I’ll find another job, our finances until then, the bills that still must be paid and what the heck I’m doing with my life are eating at me. I had been considering a career change that would probably require graduate school prior to this, but I wasn’t sure what I would go into, and it was still comforting to know that I had a job and could gain more work experience until I figured things out. Now I seriously have to figure it out. I may have to take jobs I don’t want until I get something to move ahead, but I have to keep moving. Prayers and/or job leads in the Northern Colorado area would be much appreciated!

So while tonight I’ll go home and cry and have a glass of wine, I’m trying to focus in on the fact that God has a plan and that in the end I’ll view this as a bump in the road. God is good even when things are not easy, even when they’re downright messy. He has a plan that is more wonderful than I can imagine, and while this is difficult now, this could very well be the start of the direction I was supposed to go in– my God specializes in turning ashes into beauty.


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